It’s no secret that I’m a single independent woman living in London and I’m fairly open about my dating experiences, so much so that when I attend blogging events the topic of conversation usually ends up revolving around my love life. As bad as it gets, I have to remember that at least I’m providing some entertainment value to my peers.
If you’re reading this and you’re currently in a loving relationship then you better count your lucky stars because ladies…. the online dating game is ruthless! I’ve been caught-up in this never-ending cycle of online dating since I was 18 and it only gets worse with age because the sad truth is men do not mature with age.
When I first started online dating, everything was executed online i.e. late night chat room sessions via Paltalk and ICQ on the old-skool desktops (remember the LED monitors with huge backs? YES them!) Dating apps were non-existent back then so communication required time and energy and foundations had to be built first. I would talk to boys for months and months on MSN messenger before deciding to take the plunge and meet face to face. However these days you can meet the person one hour after the conversation was first initiated.
I’m pretty sure I’ve had 90% of the available dating apps downloaded onto my iphone at one point or another so I feel compelled to give all my single ladies the rundown on these apps.
Badoo – Firstly the men on this app are extremely good looking (✓) Secondly they can actually hold a conversation (✓) Thirdly there’s a diverse mix of men to choose from (✓) My favourite feature about this app is if your account becomes popular (trust me if you’re a decent looking girl, you will become popular in 24 hours) the app will upgrade your account with super powers free of charge. Super powers you ask? It’s basically a feature, which allows you to view everyone who has liked you, meaning it’s easier to filter through your options and start a conversation with the right person.
Happn – This app is full of classy eligible bachelors. If you like worldly, sophisticated men, this is the app for you! There are even a few cast members from Made in Chelsea on it. It works based on your location, i.e. if you pass someone on your commute to work, school, university etc, that person will appear on your feed. The idea behind it is if you spot someone attractive but are too shy to approach him or her, this app will give you a second chance to start a conversation with him or her online.
Skout – Out of all the apps I’ve tried, I’ve met the majority of my dates through Skout. Admittedly it’s not the best dating app, there’s hardly any British men on it. Everyone seems to be foreign, which isn’t a bad thing but it eliminates any real banter between the both of you (plus you never truly know if they’re looking for love or a British passport). Furthermore the last time I downloaded this app, it started interfering with my iphone and froze my screen every time I opened it. Have I sold you on this app yet? Didn’t think so! Despite all this, the men on here are very laid back, chilled and respectable, which overrules everything else so I would definitely give this app a go.
Bumble – Can someone please tell me why this app is so popular? Especially within the blogging community? I downloaded this app once and swiftly deleted it after 24 hours. The key feature of this app is that the women are responsible for making the first move and honestly the thought of me approaching a man in real life or even online makes me feel physically sick! I’m just not confident enough to utilise this app but if you are then by all means go ahead and give it a go!
Match – The driest dating app I’ve ever used in my life! Match.com prides themselves on being a serious dating app with a proven track record for building long-term relationships and marriages. I smell bullshit! Firstly you have to pay a monthly subscription fee, ladies you have to stop thinking that if a man is willing to pay money for a dating app then he must be serious about finding a girlfriend/wife because it’s simply not true! (Any dating app that charges you to use their services, I would strongly avoid) but unfortunately for me I got sucked into their marketing techniques and signed up. To my surprise absolutely nobody on this app talked or even attempted to initiate contact. So not only did I not meet anyone but I also lost £29.99 in the process!
POF – The best way to describe Plenty of Fish aka Plenty of Fucks is on the opposite scale of Happn. It’s full of simple, uncultured and unrefined roadmen! Men with no ambition, no prospects and not much going on in their lives. Definitely not an app I would waste my time on again. Once upon a time I met a man on this app and he took me to nandos. End of story.
OKCupid – This app has a very similar interface as Badoo except the men aren’t very attractive and their personalities are very bland and tiresome. The only way I can describe this app is boring! I once met a police officer on this app and he took me to the cinema to watch Fast and Furious 8. Needless to say the film was more entertaining than he was and his personally matched the app perfectly.
Guardian Soulmates – So I basically pride myself on sharing my pathetic love life with everyone I meet, including my doctors and nurses (yes you should already know I suffer from Sickle Cell Anemia by now, we’ve discussed this in the past remember?) Back in 2017, whilst having a surgical procedure (yes I even discuss men during surgery) I was speaking to my surgeon about my failing love life and she recommended Guardian Soulmates. She commended it so highly and sang it’s praises to the highest level and she even met her husband on it. So I thought I would give it a go. I signed up and realised I had discovered an app even more boring than Match.com and OKCupid combined! All the men were completely mute, middle aged, unattractive and appeared too cowardly to initiate a conversation. Oh and did I mention it’s a paid subscription service?
Tinder – I like to call this app ‘The Online Brothel’. Everyone knows this app is for one thing and one thing only and if you don’t know what that one thing is, you must have been living underneath a rock for the past decade. If you want to feel like a prostitute (but without being paid) then this is the app for you! All jokes aside I’ve had some of the worst dating experiences on Tinder (verbal abuse, racist comments, inappropriate behaviour) so I have forbidden myself from using it ever again. Yes we’ve all heard about the love stories from Tinder, marriages, babies etc but chances are this probably won’t happen to you so don’t even bother wasting your time.
My biggest advice – stay away!
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